This is it.. The week that I thought I was looking forward too all summer.. the week I thought couldn't come soon enough.. What is it you might ask.. Well both my older boys are starting school and they will be there from 8am- 3pm(2:50 to be exact). I have mentally prepared myself for this time to come so that I could focus on just me for awhile. Although I may have Brigham home with me, I feel like I need to be doing so much more then just being a SAHM. So I have decided that I need to find something I want to make a career out of and go back to school. That way my kids can see that although attending school may not be easy it can be done and will be worth it!! I am so nervous about school but more embarrassed to say that I have not graduated high school nor do I have a G.E.D yet. Some people may judge me and think less of me, however I did attend high and did get credits however I didn't get enough to graduate.
I see myself in deep thought wondering why I didn't push myself harder then what I was to graduate high school. But that was the past and I can only look forward from here. When I was 16 I got pregnant with my oldest, Tj. I was terrified. I didn't know what I was going to do. I had many options available to me. One of the options came from one of my high school teachers. She was having complications getting pregnant and offered to adopt my son so that I can continue on with school. I had so much to think about since Toa and I were not together at this point. I was asked by someone, whom I will keep anonymous, to raise my son alone for the time being to allow Toa time to focus on his football career and school. That way if Toa made it far with football he can provide a better future for our son. I was devastated and aggravated at this point to hear that not only was I young and pregnant but there were some people who made me feel like I trapped Toa purposely. I felt like I was alone, like no one could understand me. I hated those people who sympathized for the father who seemed like they had a bright future ahead of them and did not once stop to think about what the young mother is going through especially since she was the one carrying the baby. Seeing that my dad was a single parent raising my sisters and I, I was petrified to tell him. I felt like this would be such a burden on him to take care of my baby. So at this point I made up my mind. I dropped out of high school my Junior year to work full time and provide for my son. Since then I have not stopped working. Til now I have yet to get my high school diploma or G.E.D. Therefore I have done my research and found out that I can do online college courses with just a G.E.D. Therefore I have been doing GED prep out of a book by myself late at night once I get my baby to sleep. I do plan on getting my G.E.D within the next two weeks and registering online for classes to take, if not this semester then next. I just don't want my kids to grow up and see that I didn't graduate or get my GED. My mom wasn't in my life as much as I would have hoped but I am determined to be the best mom I could be. Having said that I know if I want to be the best mom I can be I need to show my kids that I pushed myself to do things even if it meant stepping out of my comfort zone. I am so embarrassed that I didn't graduate high school and others who were put in the same situation as me were able to but it is what it is. I took a different path in life that to others was the easy way out but to me, it was the only way out. Now that my kids will be in school the whole day I can finish what I never did in order to make the me happier and better both my future and the future of my children!! Until next time.. That is all..LOL
This is it.. The week that I thought I was looking forward too all summer.. the week I thought couldn't come soon enough.. What is it you might ask.. Well both my older boys are starting school and they will be there from 8am- 3pm(2:50 to be exact). I have mentally prepared myself for this time to come so that I could focus on just me for awhile. Although I may have Brigham home with me, I feel like I need to be doing so much more then just being a SAHM. So I have decided that I need to find something I want to make a career out of and go back to school. That way my kids can see that although attending school may not be easy it can be done and will be worth it!! I am so nervous about school but more embarrassed to say that I have not graduated high school nor do I have a G.E.D yet. Some people may judge me and think less of me, however I did attend high and did get credits however I didn't get enough to graduate.
I see myself in deep thought wondering why I didn't push myself harder then what I was to graduate high school. But that was the past and I can only look forward from here. When I was 16 I got pregnant with my oldest, Tj. I was terrified. I didn't know what I was going to do. I had many options available to me. One of the options came from one of my high school teachers. She was having complications getting pregnant and offered to adopt my son so that I can continue on with school. I had so much to think about since Toa and I were not together at this point. I was asked by someone, whom I will keep anonymous, to raise my son alone for the time being to allow Toa time to focus on his football career and school. That way if Toa made it far with football he can provide a better future for our son. I was devastated and aggravated at this point to hear that not only was I young and pregnant but there were some people who made me feel like I trapped Toa purposely. I felt like I was alone, like no one could understand me. I hated those people who sympathized for the father who seemed like they had a bright future ahead of them and did not once stop to think about what the young mother is going through especially since she was the one carrying the baby. Seeing that my dad was a single parent raising my sisters and I, I was petrified to tell him. I felt like this would be such a burden on him to take care of my baby. So at this point I made up my mind. I dropped out of high school my Junior year to work full time and provide for my son. Since then I have not stopped working. Til now I have yet to get my high school diploma or G.E.D. Therefore I have done my research and found out that I can do online college courses with just a G.E.D. Therefore I have been doing GED prep out of a book by myself late at night once I get my baby to sleep. I do plan on getting my G.E.D within the next two weeks and registering online for classes to take, if not this semester then next. I just don't want my kids to grow up and see that I didn't graduate or get my GED. My mom wasn't in my life as much as I would have hoped but I am determined to be the best mom I could be. Having said that I know if I want to be the best mom I can be I need to show my kids that I pushed myself to do things even if it meant stepping out of my comfort zone. I am so embarrassed that I didn't graduate high school and others who were put in the same situation as me were able to but it is what it is. I took a different path in life that to others was the easy way out but to me, it was the only way out. Now that my kids will be in school the whole day I can finish what I never did in order to make the me happier and better both my future and the future of my children!! Until next time.. That is all..LOL
3 comments:
Klarah your awesome! and I think it's so amazing that your going back to school! Your an awesome mommy and your boys are lucky to have such a beautiful mom! Good luck on your endeavors in school, at least I'm not the only student mommy out there lol... I told my husband we're gonna graduate from college with our kids.. sad but true, but hey at least we are doing it right? lol.. take care girl! :)
Good for you Klarah! I think it's a great goal, and I'm sure you're able to attain that goal with persistence and determination!! I support you 100%
I got teary eyed reading this post. I love u Lala!! :) You're sucha strong individual and I'm so happy I've gotten to know u these past months! :) Love u!!
-nik
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