So much has happened this past holiday. However I hate blogging without any pictures so I don't. Well, that's a lie, I'll keep it real, I haven't been taking much pictures since gaining massive weight these past few months cause I am embarrassed to even look at myself. I think I suffered from postpartum depression and my way of coping with it was to turn to food. I hate it. I am working on it so no need to feel sorry for my kids, I'm good with hiding my feelings, I just wish it were like that with my weight. I know that shouldn't keep me from taking photos of the rest of my family but I am working on it.. I'm over being depressed and am looking forward to a brighter future with my family and friends.
My kids are still a fistful, handful or whatever other expression you feel would describe my situation best when dealing with 3 boys, 3 different personalities, 3 different situations and millions of emotions daily! My boys are all 4 years apart, hence me dealing with different situations and problems each day. Tj is my oldest and is literally my go to man when I need help with baby. When he isn't smothering his baby brother he is focused on sports and friends and slacks in school, uugghh... (I'm sure he gets it from his dad). Kj is my little comedian/fighter. He finds a way to make a joke out of every situation which is annoying at times yet it still puts a smile on my face. I'm sure Kj has been in more fights this school year then Tj has been in his whole life.Lol. Kj is such a character that he is spoiled from both his grandma Connie and grandpa Pasi. As for Brigham, he is only 7 months yet he is very demanding of all our attention, he's sooo adorable, very spoiled and has to be carried every time his little eyes open each morning til the time they close at night! This is sad but he can not crawl yet. He will sit up and hold his own bottle but that is about as far as I got with him. I blame his aunties for that!! I have my hands full but I do try my best to comfort and help them in any way I can! I feel like I'm able accomplish anything after 10 years of being a parent myself, I have managed to step out of my comfort zone from time to time and have attempted to be a therapist, nurse, judge, friend, teacher, leader, referee and last but not least a wonderful MOM to my boys!
As for me, I feel like there is a lot of room for improvement. I would be lying if I said I was perfect or was even close to it. I do what I can however there are times where lose my way and hit something, whether it be a bump in the road or hitting rock bottom when I feel like my decisions and choices are not ones that I would want my kids to follow. I can't change the mistakes I have made in the past but I can fix them now and work on myself so that they never happen again. Its hard for me to put myself first cause I am such a people pleaser but I know I will never get different results or at least the ones I want in life unless I change the choices and decisions I make now. I figured I can make weekly goals until I am comfortable in making long term goals. I'm horrible with long term goals. I always place a date on them and then start getting discouraged when the deadline gets closer and I am not half way there yet. It might be just me but hey I need to do what I got to do in order to get my life back on the right track. I've also vowed to surround myself around the kind of people that would help me reach my goals and not hold me back. I read something the other day that was sad but true, it said: " Never tell your problems to other people cause 10% Actually want to help you, 20% Don't really care and the other 70% Are happy that you are going through trials". Then I realized on fb that someone with a positive post will get a response from a few of there friends however someone with a negative status will get more attention then it deserves. It's so sad. I wish there were more people like me out there.lol. No seriously though, I have been through so much in life that I feel like I can empathize with people more. Maybe our situations won't be the exact same but pain is pain no matter how it comes. I really am the kind of person who you can turn to and know that your secrets are safe with me.
I read a quote earlier this month that meant a lot to me. Here is the quote:
"There are 4 things you cannot recover in life:
The STONE After it's thrown...
The WORD After it's said...
The OCCASION After it's missed..and
The TIME after it's gone.."
lol. I really want to work on myself this year. I am the act now and deal with the consequences later kind of gal at times and it usually gets the best of me every time.
To my husband I don't know the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone but I do love you. Regardless what trials we are faced with, I'm sincerely sorry for the all the hurtful things I have ever said or done to you. Don't judge me, I'm not perfect ;) Seriously though I am so grateful that our boys have you as a father. I usually don't agree with your ways or teaching methods however I do see how much you mean to our boys and that is all I can ask for is that you are there for them when they need you. I don't know what is in store for us but I'm not the type of person to leave you hanging when your in need. So don't ever feel like you can't talk to me about anything cause I'm all ears:)
(Okay, now that my self therapy session is done I guess I can move on..lol.)
Upcoming events that I have to look forward to this year is:
Kj's 6th birthday.
Sheena and I are going to Texas to visit Nana
7's in Las Vegas
Toa and I's 6th year Anniversary..
Brigham's 1st birthday
Tj's 10th birthday
Family Reunion in San Diego, CA.,,
That's it for now!! Tune it for next time...
Lala
4 comments:
I love that pic of the boys!! lol..your kids are so cute, and lol at Brigham demanding all the attention!! He sooo does, but he is just so dang cute to not hold I'm sure, even tho he throws up every second, he is tooo huggable! I'm glad ur back to blogging!! Keep at your goals, slow n steady wins the race!
Glad you're blogging again! Missed ya! Your boys are too cute! Can't believe Brigham is 7 months already! Soooo cute!
Klarah you're not alone. There are hundreds of woman who suffer from postpartum depression and the only difference between you and them is how you handle it. You can either let it defeat you or you can defeat it! I was watching Tyler Perry's movie Why did I get married, and you might remember the scene where Jill Scott is in the diner with her new man and she is continually making fun of her weight and herself. The guys finally says to her, "If you don't like how you look, change it. It unattractive to hear you talk about yourself that way and it makes me feel uncomfortable for you." That hit me so hard. I've watched this movie so many times, but its interesting how certain things hit you in life, when you are ready to handle it. I know now that I am ready to change and I pray that you are ready to. Don't throw all your eggs in one basket Klarah. Take it slow and one day at a time. You'll get there. Remember you are kind, you are smart, you are important and you are beautiful! I love you!!
I do feel responsible, for Brigham being so spoiled!! I blame our whole household! haha But who cares, he'll learn to walk soon. Then crawling won't even be an issue!! LOL I think you're doing an amazing job with your boys! I'm so blessed to have you as my sister/best friend! But you still annoy the crap out of me sometimes!! LOL.. Love you and my Handsome nephews!! :)
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