Random thoughts.....

So I have been thinking allot about having another baby lately, however the road to getting to that point is so much harder then I anticipated it would be. I felt so discouraged as it took me this long to convince Toa that we are ready for another baby, a girl to be exact. That now that he is able to grasp the concept of us extending our family, it seems almost impossible at this point in our lives.

Although I have my days where I feel like I am fine with just two energetic, emotional, and crazy children that make me want to pull my hair at times, It is followed by those days of being baby hungry and wanting to extend my family!! Maybe it is just for my own selfish needs! I really just want a baby girl. Maybe it's because the older my boys get the more phases in there life they go through where they feel like I wouldn't understand because I am a "Girl". That sucks alot, but I hope their feelings will change with time. Well that's it for that topic.

Another random thought I was having was that upon watching G.C today, the moral of the last session of Conference today, to me was, the importance of family upbringing and a parents promise we made to our Heavenly father that we would embrace the blessing of having children and to raise our children to be able to live the gospel throughout there daily lives and to build a testimony of there own.

That made me think. What examples do Toa and I show our kids? Was it enough to persuade them to live the gospel teachings when we aren't around?? To gain and grow a testimony of there own? Well my question was quickly answered today as my boys were playing outside. I called them to come inside as I felt they needed to watch Conference with me. K.j came in crying cause T.J took his slippers from him so he didn't have to come in the house to get his own shoes on. I told K.j to go sit in his room and watch conference while I talk to T.j and get this issued resolved so that I could continue to watch conference with them. K.j went in his room and started singing to his self. The words that came out of his mouth confirmed one of my fears, and that was that we do not show enough good examples. (Bare with me, I am trying to stay positive!!LOL!!)

K.j usually sings his own little made up songs and the words to his songs usually state his feelings. So today, he was very upset with T.j so as you can tell at this point, his song today was about T.j. Toa over heard his song and yelled at him to come in our room and tell me the words to his song. So I asked him what did you say?? He replied with tears running down his cheeks, in embarrassment," T.j takes every thing from me, so I said the word that daddy always says?" before I could get another word in, he continued balling saying," T.j never plays with me, he only yells at me and plays with Jay." So I asked again a little more anxious to find out what exactly he said. He looked at me and told me his words to his song today, it was " T.j is a 8 years old, He is a boy who thinks he's a girl, He is the F*#@!". What?!?! Why would you say something like that? I yelled at him and sent him to his room. As I was overwhelmed with the spirit from Conference I didn't have it in me to punish him the way I thought he needed to be punished. Uggh.. I feel like when I think I am doing so good in my methods of raising them, there are signs proving otherwise. Well I am going to think and pray about what more is needed of me in order to keep my kids interested in the gospel before they even fall away before realizing the importance of it. Okay.. until next time.. I am going to go and put Hot sauce in my sons mouth now.. LOL!! Seriously.. He is not going to like it one bit.. but it needs to be done. Til next time...
♥Lala