I want off This Rollercoaster...

Since finding out I was pregnant I was able to finally look back at my behavior the last few weeks and justify my actions. I mean I was horrible. I went through more mood "SWINGS" then a baseball bat in a MLB game! Therefore my post is going to be random things that I feel like saying!! So if it constantly changes from one topic to another please bare with my hormones as they may change due to active thinking!!;)

I do not like this pregnancy one bit. I mean every symptom they said "SOME" women would experience during their first trimester of being pregnant, well I think I have had majority of them already! I don't get nauseated unless I am in the car to long or driving after a long day at work and no food in my tummy. Don't get me wrong, I want to eat but I always have this weird feeling, you know, the one you get after eating too much. I feel like I have over eaten majority of the time and in reality I haven't ate anything at all! I wonder if that is normal!?!? "CRAMPS" is very common for me daily. I don't think it is normal but my nurse felt as if it was too early for me to be seen, or for them to see the baby. So they told me they will look into it further on my first appointment when I am at least nine weeks along. So I guess we will find out if it is normal or not on Thursday the 18th!! "BACK PAINS" come and go often (something I never had with my boys until further along). Have you ever felt like you had to throw up and nothing comes out however the gagging reflexes cause massive cramps in your stomach? The cramps that are still there even when the feeling of throwing up goes away!?!? Well that is me. I am extremely tired all the time but this could be because I have to be awake by 4:30am for work every morning and don’t go to bed till my kids are asleep. I feel very fatigue but I don't want people to think I am "EXAGGERATING" my symptoms so I try to do business as usual on a day to day basis.

*Subway Turkey Sandwich with Avocado*
the above is random but it’s what is on my mind now!!LOL!

The "ROLLER COASTER" of emotions is a big one for me with this pregnancy. I had a break down at work today. I mean I controlled it for the most part but it still got the best of me. I have decided to spend Thanksgiving with my dad in El Paso, TX at Fort Bliss hence me requesting days off at work! While submitting my reason for wanting these days off I started crying and writing an essay about why my dad was the best dad and how grateful I am to have him in my life!! I'm glad I wrote it because they approved it immediately, probably out of sympathy but hey, it got approved! Hhmm.. did I really have to cry while typing it?? Was the essay really necessary??LOL. After my time off request was approved I called Toa to tell him the exciting news and he seemed as if he didn't really care. He went on and on about their trip to Portland to visit his sister, his nieces and his nephews since they were truly missed! I was happy at first, but then the little mind demon that was chilling on my shoulder jumped into my head and stirred up all my emotions. I suddenly was very angry at my husband. I saw myself feeling sorry for myself. I kept thinking, "If I didn't have to work so much, I would be able to travel with my family", or "If I have to stay home so do they since I am working to support them after all". I know it sounds stupid but that is where my mind set was.

As angry and annoyed as I was my boys are the only ones who know how to calm me down without even saying a word! Toa brought them by my job to say good bye to me before they headed out to the airport! I was so happy to see then but sad to know they were leaving. When I talked to them they told me to sleep at my sisters so I wasn't home alone. Kj asked me to just leave work and go with them! I would have if it were really that easy! I miss my boys tremendously and I wish they were here with me but I can't keep them from having fun just because I am moody!!LOL! I find I am the biggest cry baby now in our family!! Yay , what do I win??!! I still want this emotional roller coaster to stop NOW!! Well I am very tired but thought I could blurt out a few things before going to bed! I really want a sub way sandwich with extra avocado!! Okay , thanks for stopping by to read my extremely random post!!LOL!