He knew and Thats Why He sent Her to Help Me...

Lately I have been feeling alot of different emotions, or it was me just PMS'ing cause it was like that time of the month!!LOL!! But I still felt like no one understood the struggles and fears that have been stressing me out and consumed my life.

I have been feeling a little void in my life and in my heart that I cant explain. It feels like I know I have alot to be grateful for but I cant find the ways to show my appreciation or just to fully appreciate what I was blessed with. When I find comfort in something then I find something else to fear or worry about. I just cant understand why. I have been trying to attend church and fulfill my calling as a Young Women's leader but I just cant face the fact that still something is missing.

This has caused me to be more irate and annoyed alot faster with my family as I fear that I am not growing closer to our Heavenly Father fast enough and that my kids will resent me for forcing them to do the things which they don't want to do such as reading the scriptures and doing morning prayers as well as night.

Well as I got into another "Debate" with my husband tonight I couldn't understand why he didn't understand my motives for wanting the 72 hour kits and why I needed so much. I felt like 3 was a perfect number as we needed one kit for our home and one in each of our vehicles. It was agonizing to hear his prospective on life and know that I could not change it and that they weren't the same as mine. I mean I want so badly to be sealed to my kids and he on the other hand does not feel the need to rush a temple sealing. Uugghh.. ...It gets so hard at times where I just need to vent. I then feel like as bad as I want to talk to someone, no one will understand me or I just wont say anything in fear that people will judged me. This is where I find myself holding it all in. In which I do not recommend because once you let it all out, it is like a fire that will burn until someone or something puts it out, in which some cases, even when the fire is put out the damage has already been done. Well any who, I went looking for my journal that was given to me by my step- MOM, Ta'alolo Mulitalo Lupeamanu, before she returned home to our Heavenly Father before I reached my 8th grade year in school.

I use to complain all the time about how I thought she had hated my sisters and I because we were not her biological children. I was so upset with her for how hard she was on us. I didn't understand why she was so upset and angry and yet was still so humble and strict about us learning the gospel. However now that I look back on it, I am so grateful and thankful that I have had the opportunity to have met this magnificent angel. I mean tried to put myself in her shoes and I couldn't imagine what would be going through my head if I had 3 kids and found out I had less then 3 months to spend with them. I am soo grateful for her and her determination she had to make sure we knew the importance of the gospel.

I found that the journal she had provided me with has been with me through my ups and my downs in life. I have turned to it when I needed to vent and had no one to talk to. Well I have not written in my journal for about 4 years and I felt like since today was just one of those days I would write in it again.

I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. Whether it be about how upset I was with my husband or an update of what has been going on in my life so far or my parenting tactics and how most times they do not work..ect.. but all that came to mind was that there was a void in my life that I cant figure out. I attend church, I fulfill my calling as a Young Women's leader when I can and I have a great family. I may not have the best of friends at times but I'm sure they are not what I am missing at this point in my life.

Well I have decided on writing about how something is missing and I don't know what, then I remembered that Lolo wrote a message in the front of my journal that I never payed much attention to because it never made sense to me. I felt like I already knew everything. As I read this letter it brought tears to my eyes as I could not catch a breath. I would try to read between every tear drop. This letter makes so much sense to me now.

Here is the letter word for word:


Hi Kalala,
I know between you and your sisters this mommy always expected alot from you three. But let me give you a secret of how to be happy, get strength everyday and talk to someone who loves you immensely and who is always there. That is our Heavenly Father. I advise you as a mother who cannot be with you, but knows the comfort of Heavenly Father always being there. Just try to say a prayer at night to thank him for everything, and then in the morning you ask him to be with you so all can go well, or ask for a special favor, if things hadn't been going well, or if your sisters need help, even daddy. Heavenly Father is very much like a friend, but with all the powers and all the time, you can imagine. He even understands when you're tired and cuts your prayers short. I had learned to get to know our Heavenly Father, and I know it will be of great help to you and all your sisters and brothers.
♥To get to know your Heavenly Father is to love Him, To love Him is to Obey his commandments, To obey His commandments is to Return to live with Him. To return to live with Him is Eternal Happiness.♥

I honestly believe that the Lord knows us and he provides us with all the tools, whether it be the scriptures or a sibling, to help us return home to him. I am so grateful for Lolo and the strength she has showed me through those few years I was blessed to have her in my life. Through her examples I secretly knew deep down inside that every word out of her mouth regarding the gospel was true and she had found a way to imprint it in my heart and in my life. Through her examples I only wish to leave my kids and there kids with the same impression.