As you might already know, my hubby and I are are trying to make our family an Eternal family one step at a time. So lately I have been stressing out so bad because I see that my hubby is changing more quicker then I anticipated, however as happy as I was for him, I found myself stressing about my own issues. I always told myself that I was already prepared to get married in the temple but now that I actually have a chance, I'm so happy,scared and sad all at the same time. I have been told that in order to go through the temple then you have to be worthy and humble. I know we're not suppose to be perfect but as perfect as we could be. I have been trying to prepare myself for this occasion and I feel like the main thing holding me back is forgiveness. I would want those that I hurt or offended in any way to forgive me because I am sincerely sorry. However there are a few things that have happen to me growing up that had truly Traumatized me in a sense and I don't think I could ever forgive that person/persons for what they did. I am so upset with myself because I have been holding in alot of pain for so long that it made me second guess the situations that I have been faced with. I knew it wasn't my fault at first but then it made me think, was there something I did or didn't do that could have prevented what happened?!?! I was also upset that I even let what people said or thought about me get to me. For the first time since I have ever met Toa, I had a real long genuine heart to heart talk with him and I wanted him to understand my pain, not so that he could be angry with me or the situation I was stressing about, but because I felt like for the first time in our marriage I could actually put my trust in this man that I married!! I know it sounds weird, but for awhile I had a hard time talking to my husband because I felt like I just gave him more things to bring up in arguments just to hurt me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a victim in our marriage. I just wanted to make that clear. Any who, it was just so relieving to be able to confide with my hubby in that way. He has been my comfort blanket that I honestly needed and I just didn't realize that until now. I couldn't even believe I told him things that people who knew me my whole life never knew and still don't know. So yes, he and I are on a whole new level in our marriage that we have never been on in the 4yrs we have been married. Oh my look at me rambling!!!LOL!! I just really wanted everyone to know that I truly love my husband for the change he is making and I just hope that I can do the same. I always told him it would be easy for us to go through the temple, all he had to do was change and then I would Repent and forgive him and everyone else!!LOL!!Just kidding I told him I would work on repentance and forgiveness and we would be set. Now that he is, I know I can repent, but I feel like I cant forgive the people in my past. I'm hoping and praying for the strengh to do so, but its not as easy as I anticipated. I know that with my hubby's support I can make it through this and I'm just glad that I was able to talk to him and ease some of my stress and frustrations. Okay well I'm off of work now so I'll blog later... So Good night everyone or good morning depending on when you read this!!LOL!!...
P.S
♥~♥~♥Hun, I've always known that you loved me and that its just hard for you to show it, but every one is diffrent so I dont expect special treatment from you. That's just life huh?!? We were bound to argue and say things just to hurt each others feelings, but that can change. So I wanted you to know that I love you and that I'm sincerely sorry for hurting you, both emotionally and verbally when ever I got mad. You are my Rock!! I love your freakin gutts!!! ♥~♥~♥
5 comments:
You're on the right path Klarah! Just keep doing what you know is right. Seek counsel in friends, family, bishop, and esp the lord!! I know you're confused right now, but things will start falling into place when you seek out the answers you need. I am so proud of both of you for this huge life changing step you are going to take! Love you guys for wanting eternity!! :) I'm only a door away if you ever need me!!
oh lala...i am like super excited for you and toa...i am just super super glad to c bothe of you guys changing for the better and being better...i hope you dont stress out to much just take it easy and know all willl work out in the end...i love you guys so much...motuliki family rocks...dat is all...lol...o and to toa..."how bout dem lakers"...lol...
You do what makes you guys happy! :) Change for the better is always something great right? Best wishes to you in everything girly. You deserve it!!
Oh Klarah! Im so happy for you guys! I cant even find the words to express it... But you are such a strong person I know that you can find the strength in you to forgive those people and move on with your little family. i remember when Kel and I first moved in together, all I would talk about is my dad and how I was so hurt and I was so mad at him. After hearing the same story about 100 times, Kel told me that I owed it to him to move on...he told me that it doesnt just hurt me, it hurts him too...thats what I was thinking about when I was reading what you wrote about forgiveness...NO I havent forgiven my dad because im so dang stubborn, but I know that you can get passed this... I can see that you and your family are almost ready...and let me tell ya. The harder you work to mend things with god and to be close to him, the harder Satan works to try and prevent your goals from being accomplished. Just be ready to recognize satans work...Just keep pushing and heed to the lord!!! Im so happy for you guys! Love ya!!!
Okay sweetheart, here I go:
* I am so happy for you first off because the temple is the most beautiful place to be in with your family.
* I'm proud of you for finding that new level of intimacy btw you and your husband.
* I know if you let go of the pain even if it wasn't resolved, your Heavenly Father will make up the rest like He promised.
* You are a strong woman and the bond you and your husband have has already weathered out storms and will continue to with your love.
Love you cousin (and I won't say little because you done grown up on me! ;p)
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